My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
