So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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