i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
