my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
