get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
