I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
