"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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