you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This is the high leading the old right now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
