Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
