Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
