I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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