maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
