Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
