a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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