Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
