Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
