you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
