I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
