Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
