Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
