Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
