You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
