I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
this is an emotional support booty call
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
