you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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