Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
