dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
