the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
