Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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