i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
