I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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