I think i peed on brittanys purse
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
