I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
