If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
