He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
