Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
