my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
