yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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