i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
