let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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