Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
