I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
