Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
