If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
