I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
