I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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