after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
