Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
