Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
