Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
