apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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