Can i not drive my cunt home
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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